Singing Soliloquies: Paris: Reflections

I'm actually glad this picture came out a little blurry, even though I tried to keep my hands as still as possible when I was taking it. Life's a little blurry, though, so I think it's appropriate.

I was getting quite frustrated with Delhi before I went to Paris. Classes are frustrating and were stressful for a little while, the city is noisy and dirty and intrusive, and I don't feel particularly close to any of the people on my program. I'm friendly with almost all of them, but I'm not actively included in much of the planning and socializing that goes on. As the semester goes on, the group gets more fractionalized and cliquier, which is to be expected, but I don't feel like I found a niche. I'm not at all on the same page as everyone else most of the time. Based on what I've seen and heard the other students do and say, I don't think I'm here for the same reasons. Or perhaps I am, and they just like to keep those things hidden under layers of other behavior.

I love to go out and explore on my own, but in Delhi I don't feel safe doing that in a neighborhood I don't already know or anywhere at night. There are still many, many places in India I want to see before I leave, and it's such a hassle to try to get people to commit to a trip and actually make plans. I want to just go do it by myself, but again, I don't feel like it's exactly safe for me to do that. I don't think that anything would actually happen to me if I travelled alone, but it's not a risk I'm willing to take.

All of that played a part in my decision to go to Paris. We had an IES trip scheduled for that weekend that was supposed to complement a class that I never planned on taking and which wound up being cancelled. Everyone was talking about traveling that weekend since we would have a few days off, but after a lot of thought, I decided that it was a better use of my time and money (and better for my mental state) to meet up with Kevin somewhere in Europe rather than have a trip pulled together last minute (and consequently more expensive) for somewhere in India with people I may or may not get along with to a destination I may or may not have chosen. Some of the students did, in fact, go to places that I had mentioned earlier in the semester that I had a strong desire to visit (mainly Kerala and Darjeeling). However, although I probably won't make it to those places before I return to the States in May, I'm certain I made the right decision in going to Paris.

When I landed in Dubai, I realized that I've changed as a traveller. First of all, it's incredibly gratifying to be able to pay for my trip myself. I had been under my budget for my time in India up until I left, and I had started saving last fall as soon as I knew I was coming here, so I had very few qualms about spending the money to go such a long way for only a few days. That feeling multiplied when, two days before I left, I was offered a job I had been pursuing for the past two months. Now I know for certain that I'll be making a reasonable income over the summer and doing something I think I'll enjoy and that could potentially lead to a career after graduation. I enjoy being able to be independent. and I'm slowly becoming more confident in being able to do that from a financial perspective. For a while, I didn't even think I would make it to India at all because of the cost. But I did, and it has been a great investment by my parents and myself, with the added benefit of actually costing less than a semester at the University of Rochester.

Back to traveling. As the plane took off from Delhi, I felt very nervous, and I thought back to my flight to India back in January. I was anxious and tense then, too. I never used to be edgy about flying, but now I'm starting to be. I still love it, but there's always this little part of me that thinks something horrible will happen. I worry when people I care about are flying, too; I guess part of growing up is realizing how easily you could lose anything or anyone and not wanting that to happen. As soon as the plane landed in Dubai, however, I felt perfectly comfortable. The fact that it was an airport in a city in a part of the world I had never set foot in didn't faze me at all. I had looked at my itinerary so many times that I had my flight numbers and gates and times entirely memorized, so I was able to just meander around the airport in the general direction of where I was supposed to be going, people-watching and architecture-admiring and generally just enjoying myself. My layover was fairly quick and uneventful, and before I knew it, I was in Paris.

I had actually heard some rather terrible things about Paris, about how dirty and unpleasant and expensive it was. The expensive bit is definitely true, but I was surprised by how completely and utterly wrong those descriptions were. It was extremely clean, and I don't think it's just because I'm accustomed to the dirt and debris of Delhi. The streets were very quiet, even at night, and though we had relatively little interaction with other people, those exchanges that we did have were with relatively friendly people. I'm sure that part of it had to do with the time of year that we were there; during the height of tourist season, I have no doubt that the city is dirtier, noisier, and more crowded. I found it thoroughly enjoyable to roam the streets, and I actually found Paris rather charming.

A large part of Paris' charm was simply due to my company. After experiencing at least minor personality clashes on all of my trips in India, it was refreshing and relaxing to be with someone I knew was compatible with me. Each morning we made a general plan for what we wanted to do, but we left lots of room for spontaneity. There's something really comforting about experiencing something you know someone else will appreciate and being able to talk about reactions to different parts of the trip with someone who understands. Neither of us had been to Paris before, so it was nice to be experiencing it together, too. I was happy not to have to worry about arguments breaking out over where to go next or how to get there or how much money to spend on dinner. Those kinds of things can ruin a trip if they occur too often. So thank you, Kevin, for being a wonderful travel companion. :)

Seeing a new city on a new continent also reaffirmed my love of culture comparison and firsthand experiences of different ways of life. I loved that sitting at breakfast in the hostel meant catching snippets of conversations in at least three or four languages. I love seeing the layouts of different cities, how the city planners made use of natural elements, and how historic monuments are incorporated. For example, the Eiffel Tower appears out of nowhere if you don't approach it from the Parc du Champs de Mars. You're in a neighborhood that could be any neighborhood in Paris and suddenly between two buildings you glimpse this giant structure that happens to be a world-famous landmark. I love watching how people move through different cities and thinking about what and how people choose to preserve the city's history.

In general, I found Paris to be a decidedly worthwhile experience. I'm fairly certain that any city in Europe where I got to meet up with Kevin would have been an amazing experience, but that does not detract from my enjoyment of Paris. Spending time with someone who knows me well and re-igniting my love of travel made me let go of all the things that had been bugging me when I left Delhi, and though I was sick on my return trip, I came back to Delhi with a renewed spirit of adventure. I may not get to do much traveling between now and the end of the semester because of schoolwork and other commitments, but there's plenty of this city that I have yet to explore.

My friend Liz is in New Zealand this semester, and she wrote something in her blog a couple days ago that captured my attention. She was musing about the "great big Why?" of studying abroad, and she included a quote from a travel writer that I think is fantastically articulate, and so I will leave you with that:

"You're coming to realize that travel anywhere is often a matter of exploring half-understood desires. Sometimes, those desires lead you in new and wonderful directions; other times, you wind up trying to understand just what it was you desired in the first place. And, as often as not, you find yourself playing the role of charlatan as you explore the hazy frontier between where you are, who you are, and who it is you might not want to be." - Rolf Potts