Revolve.

Back in January, I had a little discussion with myself about whether or not to write a "New Year" themed post. Emphasizing a more or less arbitrary demarcation in the passage of time has never been very appealing to me, but I think there's value to be found in these types of discussions when everyone is thinking about them at the same time, though I never ended up writing a new year post. However, I think now is as good a time as any. Some of the following words have been stowed away in a draft mode of the new year's post that never got published, and some are more recent thoughts.

In this most recent trip around the sun, my life has changed considerably, and now that graduation is less than a month away, my life is going to change even more.

A year and a few months ago, I woke up my first morning in India, which happened to be my twenty-first birthday, and the first birthday I spent away from home. That birthday was a strange little vortex of emotions, bottled up inside a container forged from jet-lag. The events of the day were pretty mundane and focused on becoming oriented to a new place and new people, but it was a good symbolic birthday. That time that I spent abroad was my gift to myself, a birthday present to remind myself to actively pursue my goals and interests and to stop whining and live. It was the craziest, most frustrating, most satisfying thing I've ever done, and that journey taught me a lot about myself. The more interesting of my experiences are chronicled here, but I also wrote a few things that I didn't post. I was reading back through those, and I came across something I decided is worth sharing. It was a reflection on my first couple days in Delhi, and I ended it with this:

I don't want to lose my passion or my motivation; I have too little time here to waste it being discouraged. I want to bottle and save this energy and peace so that I can tap into it whenever I feel the need. I want to remind myself that letting go isn't the same as forgetting, and holding on isn't the same as condoning.

I've been working hard this year at de-cluttering my mental space, living authentically, and eliminating noise. Things that help me do this: cooking with friends, tea time, spontaneous life talks, walking along the river, meditating, paint dates, filterfail.

I want to talk a little about that last item in the list. My friend made me a big fan of the filterfail, which is an intentional breaking down of walls and barriers in order to achieve honest, unfiltered communication. I'm not going to lie - I still filter things. Sometimes it's necessary, and sometimes it's just easier. But I realized that most filters (aside from the one that sifts out things that would be rude/offensive) are just reactions to fear. Fear of getting hurt, being judged, making the wrong impression, deviating from what's expected of you...fear of a lot of things. And that fear is almost always unproductive. So in response to being the recipient of unfiltered thoughts, I've tried to eliminate some of my own filters - or, at the very least, to become more aware of when and why I use them. It's been a very satisfying journey so far; I've applied it in the realm of academics, personal communication, and workplace/job searching. It's difficult to do at times, but it's a very rewarding practice. I think I'll continue to do this.

Here's a magnolia tree - because everyone should stop and smell the flowers. (It's not the season for roses yet.)

More thoughts soon.

Namaste, and happy Earth day.